tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
