Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
