I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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