hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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