never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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