Me. At least after what I've been through.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
