Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
