i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
