That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
