I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize