Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
