then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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