idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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