it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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