i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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