bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize