It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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