Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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