Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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