never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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