just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I need to align my fucking chakras
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
