she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Text me some of your sweat
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