Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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