Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
