She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
