I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize