help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
