we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
