One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
