you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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