Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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