And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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