Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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