ADVERTISEMENT

• (313): View more from Michigan

  I painted my nails silver

  (586): View more from Michigan

  And what are the implications of that?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien

  Fav 3 2409 939

  share tweet
  

• (619): View more from California

  I'm passing your future prison.

  Fav 15 4620 1305

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (859): View more from Kentucky

  Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.

  Fav 5 5342 1187

  share tweet
  

• (+82): View more from South Korea

  Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.

  Fav 6 2650 1407

  share tweet
  

• (806): View more from Texas

  When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?

  Fav 9 2718 1319

  share tweet
  

• (914): View more from New York

  Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...

  Fav 1 912 705

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (586): View more from Michigan

  Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?

  Fav 2 722 624

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.

  Fav 1 967 619

  share tweet
  

• (941): View more from Florida

  She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.

  Fav 13 914 1198

  share tweet
  

• (516): View more from New York

  I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.

  Fav 2 807 606

  share tweet
  

• (613): View more from Ontario

  I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy

  Fav 1 823 376

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (434): View more from Virginia

  After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.

  Fav 7 518 965

  share tweet
  

• (613): View more from Ontario

  Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.

  Fav 0 45 16

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  I need mimosas to revive my soul

  Fav 0 10 12

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (870): View more from Arkansas

  Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?

  Fav 0 27 52

  share tweet
  

Randomize