proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
