Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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