My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
