Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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