If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
