Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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