Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize