I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
