I just threw up on my dentist
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
