i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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