her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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