great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
