she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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