Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
