It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
