I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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