would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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