had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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