You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
