I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Let's get the cat blown out
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
