I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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