You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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