Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
