I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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