"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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