So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
