i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
