i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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