I wish I only lived at night.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
