i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
