Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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