He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
