Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
