Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
