i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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