just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
