Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
