Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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