ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
