You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
