I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
